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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and leads to deep affection and a satisfying sex life.However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated.AWith people spending more and more time online, accessing pornography and adult websites can be a big problem in modern marriages.
(Hey, life’s full of curveballs.) And while we can all agree that long-distance relationships aren’t ideal, they’re definitely not the end of the world—or even the death knell of your relationship.
Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.
You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.
“First and foremost, you and your partner need to set some guidelines: what is acceptable, what isn’t,” says April Davis, relationship expert and Founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. Spend time with friends.” Basically, enjoy your life!
You don’t need us to tell you that boundaries related to fidelity are important, but it turns out that personal boundaries play a huge role in relationships from afar, as well. “The better you know and appreciate yourself, the better you can focus on knowing and appreciating your partner when you are together,” she says.
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I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.