Dating effeminate

After he left, this person and I started casually talking in the kitchen.

At first, we just talked about our days and our plans for the week.

Men often describe themselves this way to indicate that they’re masculine-acting, and are seeking other masculine-acting individuals.

Those who use the term tend to be straight-passing men who refuse to communicate with anyone other than straight-passing men, and therefore dismiss and/or degrade feminine or androgynous people. Some try to defend these actions and “preferences” by saying things like “everyone has a type,” “it’s just a description,” and “it’s not what I’m into.” But I certainly find “Masc 4 Masc” problematic.

Ethan was more comfortable with his sexuality and expressed himself in more feminine ways.As we had one kiki after another, I felt increasingly comfortable with my sexuality.But I also learned that being true to yourself can come with challenges.The phrase excludes feminine and androgynous queer individuals — a type of exclusion that speaks to a long legacy of internalized homophobia and misogyny both in the gay community as well as in broader American society.Ingrained homophobia teaches us to accept and normalize relationships that fit into a heterosexist framework and oppress queerness, while ingrained misogyny simultaneously teaches us to privilege masculinity over femininity.

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