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If he doesn’t respond to his ex’s calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren’t okay and that he’s neglecting their needs.But if he does respond, he might worry that he’s making you feel angry or unimportant.Quite often she calls Adam hoping that he can “set them straight.” I’m certain that she’s the cause of all that chaos, because the kids never go out of control with Adam, and I’ve only seen them be pleasant.Every time Adam’s ringtone goes off, my stomach churns because I feel so violated and intruded on by her.But this would take time, involve conflict, and also mean that the kids would be more of a presence in your life—which brings me back to the package deal I mentioned earlier. On the days that Adam has the kids, are you there, too, or does Adam spend that time alone with them?
You’re going to have to embrace the fact that your boyfriend is a father and was before he met you, and if you want to be with him, you’ll have to make peace with what it is you’re signing up for.For instance, he may miss his kids when they’re with their mom and enjoy some of the “mundane” details his ex sends, even if he’s bothered by her other calls and texts.He may welcome a goodnight call or text every single night from his kids, even if you’re cuddled up watching Netflix together or in the middle of a candlelit dinner.One option might be for Adam and his ex to see a therapist who can help them navigate their co-parenting arrangement, creating parameters and offering tools for handling the kids when his ex is alone with them.If it turns out that even with these parameters and tools, she’s unable to care for the kids without calling for help, he can try to change the custody arrangement until she works out her own issues and feels capable of caring for them solo.
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He comes with his children, and his children come with their mother.