Dating to serious
Here is a list of the top 10 questions (not in any special order) that we highlighted as the most important to discuss.
Suddenly, it didn’t really matter if he preferred movies over books, but it really did matter if he shared the same values and beliefs as me.
You see, I already had two children, and he didn’t have any. He assured me from day one, and never wavered, that he would be perfectly fulfilled being the bonus dad (step-dad) to my children, and he has demonstrated this consistently over the past nine years.
I have been in an environment where people just shut down and avoid all conflict. We wanted to be sure that the proper balance existed when dealing with conflict so that both of us felt “heard.” Sometimes one of us will simply say, “you are bugging the crap out of me right now …” We may simply acknowledge that statement, or we may discuss it (depending on how serious it is), but we’ve found that’s a good balance for us between screaming and going silent! We did discuss it a lot, but only because I wanted to be 100% sure that Justin would never second-guess his answer.
One of the best practices we implemented is a financial review where we sit down once a quarter with a glass of wine and take a look through our accounts simply to make sure we are both on the same page. Slightly different than the question above is a discussion about spending habits.
It’s something we have done for years and has become a fun habit for us both. Some people will only shop at Nordstroms and find it offensive to pay less than full price, while others, like me, enjoy the thrill of the hunt at a discount retailer like TJ Maxx.
I want to be with someone who enjoys being with me, and wants to be with me, but not to the extent that I can’t go out with friends or do anything without him.
I didn’t want to feel as if I was getting interviewed at the end of each business day about with whom I spoke or met.
The common denominator is that no matter how much or little we talk about the daily, trivial things, we will all drop anything and everything if anyone finds themselves in crisis. If you give me a gift, I will be appreciative but I won’t correlate that with love.
This isn’t an approval or a request, but rather simply a notice that one of us is making a big purchase in excess of that amount. I have never dated a highly jealous man, but I’ve watched friends date men whose jealousy came through strongly.
It’s all part of keeping each other in the financial loop. I knew I didn’t want to be put into a position where I had to account for myself 24 hours a day.
Fortunately for us, we both like nice things, and we both like to find a great deal.
One of the things we agreed to early on is that we would simply let the other person know when we were spending beyond a certain amount on something (our threshold amount is 0).