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And if you don’t have an orgasm, don’t feel pressure to pretend to have one.

Think of orgasming not as your responsibility but as a fun goal to work toward with your partner(s), together.

be painful." Tammelleo adds that "hundreds of women" have told her that, when they had penetrative sex for the first time, it felt like their partner was "hitting a brick wall." Which is absolutely not what this should feel like.

The only way to find out is to ask them: Do they like oral sex, or would they rather leave that off the menu? Not only does asking questions show your partner that you care, but it may also encourage them to do the same—making the whole experience better for everyone.

"If you fake an orgasm or tell your partner you had one when you didn’t, it's harder to communicate your needs in the future," Tammelleo says.

Plus, once you get into the habit of faking, it makes it that much harder to stop, take a step back, and be like, "Actually, what you’re doing doesn’t rock my world as much as you think, sorry." about what your partner wants.

Even if it feels awkward, it is so, so, so important to chat with your partner beforehand about what you’ll do to protect yourselves. A big part of enjoying sex is focusing on the sensations you’re feeling instead of, for example, your nervousness (which is totally common to feel your first time, even if you know you’re ready to have sex).

Use a condom even if you’re on another form of birth control to protect you both from STIs unless you are both monogamous with each other and STI-free (check out local clinics like Planned Parenthood for free/affordable testing)."Make sure you enthusiastically consent to each and every thing the two of you do together," Marin says. Don't just go along with something—make sure you're excited about it.” Remember that just because you start an activity—for example, sex—you don’t have to finish or continue it: You have the right to pause or stop whatever it is. "Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts," Marin points out.

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