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You may want the help of a sex therapist to unravel this tangled situation and reassemble a situation that works for both of you.
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When I confronted him, he didn't understand why I was upset.
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This situation underlines the importance of checking in with one's spouse or partner about the various aspects of long-term relationships: finances, in-laws, jobs, children (if any), housekeeping, plans, and sex. So, even though you said your vows and have been together for a while, it sounds like the topic of online chatting and surfing porn sites never came up.