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Most people cite attractiveness as key to a potential romantic connection when surveying profiles online, but once people meet face to face, it turns out that physical appeal doesn’t lead to more love connections for those who say it is an important factor than for those who say it isn’t.

Once potential partners meet, in other words, other characteristics take precedence over the ones they thought were important.

“No, because I couldn’t stand him when I first met him,” she says of her husband.

She thought he was full of himself and rude during their first encounter.

When I asked her if she thought online matchmaking was a better way than offline dating to find guys who were more compatible with her — and, therefore, better husband material — she laughed.

“You can’t look at a piece of paper and know what it’s like to interact with someone,” says Reis.

“Picking a partner is not the same as buying a pair of pants.” (MORE: Online Dating Enjoying a Boom Among Boomers) Making things harder, many sites now depend on — and heavily market — their supposedly scientific formulas for matching you with your soul mate based on similar characteristics or personality types.

Online, that process is telescoped and front-loaded, packaged into a neat little digital profile, usually with an equally artificial video attached.

That leaves a) less mystery and surprise when singles meet face to face.

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  1. But video may allow for an added layer of identity verification. I wanted to get people face-to-face so they can communicate, like a Face Time, like Skype.” It’s a trade-off: an awkward first Face Time for the reassurance of confirming a suitors identity before your meet in person.