If dating roles were reversed
How could I be honest about who I was and what I wanted but also attract the kind of guy I’d actually want to know? Recently, I met a handsome stranger and we got to talking about religion and spirituality.I spent hours trying to figure out what to put in the forms online. First of all, a new date needs to know my status, which is likely to mean that I end up telling a stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me within a few hours of meeting him. “I believe in God,” the man said, “but not a God that intervenes here on Earth.” “I agree,” I said, “because otherwise, why the fuck is my husband dead?The other two whose names initially made me think they might be promising, “Just Widower Dating” and “The Widow Dating Club,” each had cover photos with couples who looked to be at least 20 years older than me.My friends laughed along with me when the first photo we pulled up on one widow dating website was of a man who was clearly older than my father.But as I thought about whether to actually make my profile live, the bigger question remained unanswered. Even if I manage to communicate that I am a widow before the first date, a load of baggage remains. ” Not surprisingly, it had the effect of stopping all conversation. This type of behavior — speaking before I could really think about my response — is something I found is common for many widows.In many ways, we have lost the ability to make small talk or to say anything other than exactly what’s on our minds. Almost every widow I know has a wild story about a stranger’s reaction after learning her relationship status.Of course, plenty of widows meet a great “chapter two” (widow parlance for a love after loss) and are able to move on to a new relationship.
Neither Shawn nor I wanted to separate, and I certainly didn’t want him to die in my arms at age 40.
This terrible tragedy happened to us, but we didn’t want it.
So, for example, a divorcee will probably call their former spouse their “ex.” But Shawn is not my ex — he is still my husband.
Most of the formerly married people I see online are divorced.
While I am of course okay with dating a divorced man, I have found that widows and divorcees have different points of view about the past.